I can and I will.

So I have been eating much more than I usually would and not particularly clean. Eid food such as sugary tiny cookies, a bit of cake, and some santan (coconut milk). We even went to a buffet with all the food you can have. You name it. With tremendous might, I decided to check my weight this morning. And I lost weight! WHAT? HOW? WHY? I think I might know why, is it because I reached my daily calorie needs the last two days? I mean I was so cautious on what I ate the past 2 months or so, I believed what I ate was enough to lost weight. But I’m guessing I was eating too little? Honestly, I felt so guilty and horrible and anxious for eating like I did the past two days, I felt so bloated. I even slacked on exercise for god’s sakes. I’m going to start upping my calories and I know this will be difficult but I really see why I should. 

I just spent the day going around visiting my friends homes. It’s eid so the tradition is to eat eid food. I feel horrible for not respecting my friends so I ate things I wouldn’t normally eat, but I kept it moderate. I still feel like shit nevertheless. I haven’t got enough sleep today and all I want to do right now is sleep but the guilt of eating so unclean that if I do decide to sleep right now I will feel more like shit. My eyes are literally begging to close but I’ve got a Max Interval Circuit to get over with. So. I’ll just have to suck it up. 

It’s so so frustrating how the scale hasn’t budge and I haven’t lost inches either. It’s been 2 weeks. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but it is so demotivating. I feel like I should cut back on my calories which I will starting from now. Eid is tomorrow and I’m so screwed because that’s where we go around and eat good food. I just feel like crying.